[Read Genesis 2:24-25]
History begins and ends with a wedding. We see a wedding here at the beginning of creation. We also see a wedding at the end, when Christ comes again to marry his bride—the church—and we’ll spend eternity with him at the Wedding Supper of the Lamb—a long celebration of fulfilled desires.
It’s important to understand this arc of history because it reminds us of two things. First, it reminds us of the importance of marriage. The fact that marriage was created in the beginning and continues on until the end, shows us how essential marriage is and how important it is. It’s an essential part of the human life. As I mentioned at the beginning of this series, marriage is also an essential part of fulfilling our purpose in creation. In order to have dominion over creation, we need to be fruitful and multiply, building families and societies and cultures. Once you remove marriage, families crumble, societies crumble, and cultures crumble.
Understanding that marriage is at the beginning and end of history also reminds us that marriage is God’s idea. He created it and designed it in the beginning. Marriage isn’t simply a cultural anomaly or cultural creation. It’s baked into creation. It’s baked into our human nature. It’s even baked into the story of history. Marriage is God’s creation/design, which reminds us that marriages need to be aligned with God’s created purposes/design, otherwise they’re not going to work well. We don’t have the option of doing this however we want. Our culture has been trying to do that for a number of years now. How’s that working out for our culture? It’s not. We see marriages ending in divorce, we see families broken, and we see many people refusing to get married. The marriage rate in the United States is at its lowest in the history of our country. This is why it’s so important for us to understand God’s design for marriages and then live accordingly.
As we go through these two verses from Genesis 2, I want to make sure we realize a couple things. First, I can’t cover every aspect of marriage in one sermon. So, I’m not going to try. I will be covering other aspects of marriage later on in this series. So, be patient. Second, we must not forget what we’ve already learned: We’ve been created Body and Soul and we can’t emphasize one of those over the other. So, as we look at these aspects of marriage in Genesis 2, we must understand each of them as they refer to our Body and our Soul.
After Eve is presented to Adam, and Adam expresses his delight in her, we read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother…” (Genesis 2:24, ESV). For many this may seem like a minor detail, but it’s essential to God’s design for marriage. When a husband and wife get married, there must be a separation from their parents. Of course, this isn’t speaking about abandoning parents—complete separation. The command to honor our father and mother doesn’t disappear once we get married. However, a separation has to occur. Something new is being created.
We know this to be true, don’t we? How often do you see a married couple, happily living with their parents? Sure, we see this happening for short periods of time out of necessity, but you don’t see this happening for long periods of time and resulting in a happy marriage. There needs to be separation and that separation needs to be Body and Soul.
Here’s what I mean by that. It’s possible for a couple to be physically separated from their parents, but to have their souls still clinging to their parents. They are still relying on them for everything, still dependent upon their parents, still living as though they are still under their roof. That’s not the way God designed this to work. There needs to be both physical separation and spiritual separation from parents. You are starting something new—a new family, a new home, a new life.
This is also a reminder for parents. You need to let them go. God has told them to leave you for their spouse. You need to allow the separation to happen, otherwise you will be hindering their marriage. Again, I’m not saying you need to stay completely out of their life, but there needs to be separation. Allow them to step out on their own and start something new. Yes, they’re going to make mistakes and take some detours. So, did you and you survived.
I have to say, this is something Rachel and I’s parents did really well and it allowed us to have a great start at building a home and family. Even though we lived so close to my parents—less than 100 yards away—there was still separation. They gave us our space and didn’t meddle. We also worked hard to rely on each other, rather than our parents, as we built our home and family. Of course, we needed the support and encouragement of our parents, but we also needed the separation. So, if we want to have a healthy marriage, we need to make sure there is a separation from our parents—body and soul.
After the separation from parents we read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife…” (Genesis 2:24, ESV). The King James version used the word “cleave” to describe this. That’s why you may have heard someone say marriage is about Leaving and Cleaving. Yet, I bet most of us don’t understand the word cleave. “Hold fast” is something we do understand. There are other times in the Bible where this word is translated as “cling to.” And I read in a commentary this week that the word has a sense of gluing something together.
But I like the imagery of “holding fast” the best. When I think about “holding fast,” I imagine a ship at sail in a stormy sea, being tossed back and forth by the waves. And on the deck you see a sailor holding fast to the mast—clinging to the mast for dear life—refusing to let go no matter what happens. That’s the imagery of husband and wife with each other—holding fast, refusing to let go, no matter the circumstance.
To tie this in to my previous point, this is why it’s so important for parents to let go. You need to let go so that your son or daughter will stop holding onto you and hold onto their spouse. If you refuse to let go, you are preventing them from holding fast to their spouse, from relying on them—refusing to let go of them. Parents, your actions toward your married children should have the goal of decreasing their hold on you, and increasing their hold on their spouse. That should drive your interactions in their life and marriage. It’s the way God has designed it.
It’s also important to understand that the word “hold fast” is used in the context of a covenant. Tim Keller says, “The word ‘cleave’ means to unite to someone through a covenant, a binding promise, or oath.” (The Meaning of Marriage, 83). That’s extremely important. Holding fast to your spouse is not a commitment you make privately. It’s a promise you make, an oath you take in front of everyone. You don’t get to make this promise just “between the two of you.” That’s not an oath or a promise. You need to make this oath in front of a group of people who will hold you accountable. That’s why we have weddings. They aren’t just something we made up because we think they’re beautiful. No. God designed weddings because we are in this together and we need the support and accountability of the people around us to keep our promise. I believe weddings are essential to marriage.
Also, take a moment to think about what I’ve been saying and the parts of a wedding. Why do we still ask the parents questions at the wedding? Because they need to let go AND they need to be held accountable by the group to let go. Everyone at the wedding heard them say they were letting go. Why do we still have the bride and groom commit themselves to God and each other? Because they also need to do it in front of a group of people so they are supported and held accountable to those vows. These things have been there from the beginning.
And so the wedding ceremony is designed to show the world that this man and woman are leaving their parents and holding fast to each other. And the more you hold fast to your spouse, refusing to let go, the more you begin to understand what the Bible calls a “one flesh” union. We read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, ESV). When a son or daughter leaves their parents and holds fast to their spouse—refusing to let go—and they do that over and over and over and over again, they find tremendous unity. They are no longer two, but one. They are united and they realize that any separation will cause damage. If you glue two things together, then try to rip them apart, something is going to break. But, the longer a couple stays together, holding fast to one another, refusing to let go, the deeper that union becomes and the more they understand what it means to be “one flesh.”
Before I move on, there’s something else we need to talk about. Don’t forget that we’ve been created Body and Soul. So far, I’ve only talked about holding fast to one another and becoming one flesh in a spiritual way. We shouldn’t downplay that aspect, but we also must not forget the physical aspects of marriage. We are not simply called to hold fast to our spouse and become one flesh with them in a spiritual way. We’re also called to do these things in a physical way. We need to physically hold fast to our spouse. We need to physically become one flesh with our spouse. These are also essential aspects of marriage. This is the way God designed it.
When we stop physically holding fast to our spouse and becoming one flesh with them, our marriage begins to fade—wither, dry up. I’m going to be completely blunt and honest here. If you are not physically holding fast to your spouse, you will eventually stop holding fast to them spiritually. If you are not physically becoming one flesh with your spouse, you will eventually stop being one flesh with them spiritually. These things must go together because we’ve been created Body and Soul and God created us to interact in our marriages Body and Soul.
There’s one more point I need to make before I wrap up. To make this point, I want to look at the way Jesus quoted this verse. He said, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:4–6, ESV). Notice two things Jesus pointed out in relation to God’s design for marriage. First, he points out that God created them male and female in the beginning and a man will leave for his wife. Jesus is very clear that marriage was designed to be between a man and woman. Period. But notice one more thing he said, “‘…the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh.” (Matthew 19:5, ESV). The two will become one flesh. No longer TWO but one. That means 1 man and 1 woman. Not 1 man and 2 or 3 or 4 women. Not 1 woman and 2 or 3 or 4 men. 1 man and 1 woman. That’s the way it was designed in the beginning. You may say, “But, but, but, what about Abraham and David and the other patriarchs from the Old Testament who had more than one wife?” They were imperfect men, who were in rebellion, yet God still mercifully used them for His glory. From the beginning, marriage was designed for 1 man and 1 woman. That’s it. Nothing more.
And here’s why it’s so important for us to properly understand marriage and then live out our married lives. Our marriages are about something more than our marriage. They point to something bigger and greater than our marriage. Here’s what we read in God’s Word: ““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31–32, ESV). God designed marriages to reflect his relationship with His people on the earth—in particular, the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church. So, when we get marriage wrong, and our marriages are no longer functioning according to God’s design, we are showing the world a distorted image of God and his people. When our marriages are not functioning the way God designed, our marriages are preaching a false gospel. I know that’s strong language, but it’s true.
Yet, when we leave our father and mother, hold fast to our spouse, and become one flesh with them—working at it every day—we are preaching a beautiful gospel message to the world. When we work at our marriages in this way, we preach this message to the world: Jesus Christ left his father in heaven so that he could live and die for the forgiveness of our sins. And when we turn to Him in faith, he grabs hold of us and holds us fast in the midst of any storm that life may bring—promising that no one will snatch us from his hand. And we are united with Him, becoming one with Jesus Christ in his life, his death, and in his resurrection.
That’s the beautiful gospel message that every faithful marriage preaches to the lost world.