Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-6:9)

“The history of the human race begins with a wedding” (Bavinck, The Christian Family, pg. 1). That’s how Herman Bavinck starts his book on the Christian family. I want to expand on that comment a little bit. The history of the human race begins AND ENDS with a wedding. There is a wedding at the beginning of Genesis and a wedding at the end of Revelation. This wedding/marriage theme flows throughout the entire story of the Bible--the story of how God relates to His people.

In Genesis we see the marriage between Adam and Eve, which ends up serving as a picture of God’s relationship with His people. There are passages that explicitly speak about God marrying His people. In Isaiah 54:5 it says, “For your Maker is your husband...” Then, in Hosea 2:19-20, as God explains the analogy between Hosea and Gomer, he says, “And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.” (Hosea 2:19–20, ESV). There’s this intimate relationship between God and His people. When God’s people turn away from him, turning to idols and false gods, it is repeatedly called “committing adultery” against God or “whoring around.” Yet, God remains faithful to the people He loves. He sends a Savior to rescue his chosen people--a Savior who will redeem us, cleanse us, and draw our hearts back to the Lord. This Savior is also pulling all of history toward a climactic moment when He will claim His people as his own. Here’s how Revelation describes that moment, “Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”” (Revelation 19:6-9, ESV). Not only is this moment described as a wedding, but as a wedding feast. The history of the human race begins and ends with a wedding, then continues for all eternity as a wedding feast--a massive party.

Our passage this morning speaks to some of this reality in our lives right now. What does this look like right now? AND How does this affect the way we live and interact with each other right now? Let’s take a look at our passage. [Read Ephesians 5:22-6:9]

Now, when looking at this passage, we can easily miss the forest for the trees. We can easily become overly focused on the various social roles and responsibilities in this passage. We become focused on them because we live in a time and culture where some of these social roles are being called into question. Paul’s words in these verses are not popular. So, we can become obsessed with those aspects that are somewhat “controversial.” However, there is much more in this passage. Actually, we really cannot understand the particulars of this passage until we take some time to understand the bigger picture. So, we’re going to spend a decent amount of time looking at the relationship between Christ and the church. Then, we’ll work our way backwards through this passage, taking time to understand HOW the relationship between Christ and the church changes the way we relate to one another.

Christ is described as being: “the head of the church,” “the Savior” of the church, the one who “loved the church,” the one who “gave himself up for” the church, the one who makes the church “holy and blameless,” the one who “feeds and cares for” the church, and the one to whom the church is united. Each of these realities are deeply connected to one another. Because of Christ’s LOVE for the church--his bride--he gave himself for her. Now it’s important to understand that he not only gave himself in death but he also gave his life for the church. That’s what the Heidelberg Catechism is talking about when it says, “That during his whole life on earth, but especially at the end, Christ sustained in body and soul the wrath of God against the sin of the whole human race. This he did in order that, by his suffering as the only atoning sacrifice, he might deliver us, body and soul, from eternal condemnation, and gain for us God’s grace, righteousness, and eternal life.” (H.C. 37). Christ suffered throughout his whole life. His whole life, from beginning to end, was given for the church. Because of Christ’s perfect, sinless life, those who turn to Him in faith, receive His perfect sinless life. Because of Christ’s death on the cross, those who turn to Him in faith receive the forgiveness of sins. Because Christ gave himself for us in death, our sins are forgiven AND because Christ gave himself for us throughout his perfect life, his righteousness is credited to our account. Christ’s entire life--beginning to end--is marked by giving himself for the people he loved.

That’s why He’s considered the Savior and Head of the church. In Philippians 2, Paul describes this by saying, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:5–11, NIV). You see Christ became Head of the church by making himself nothing, by taking the form of a servant, by humbling himself. For that reason, the Father exalted Him and placed Him as head of the church. It’s like I mentioned last week: “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35, NIV).

Yet, Christ did not simply love us, give himself for us, become head and savior of the church, then leave us on our own. Actually, simply the fact that he is now the HEAD of the church, shows that we are united with him. He is the head and we are the body. Pauls talks about this in this passage. He says, “for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:30–32, NIV). Now, many people look at this passage and say that it’s describing the fact that the relationship between husband and wife is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church--which is true and is what is being discussed throughout this passage. However, the mystery that Paul is speaking about is not the picture of marriage, but the one flesh reality we have with Christ. He says that we are members of his body--that points to our unity with Him. He also speaks about this “one fleshness” that happens between a husband and wife--where two become one--then explains that this is talking about Christ and the church. There is a “one fleshness” that occurs between Christ and the church. We are united to Christ in a profound way--a mysterious way that is hard to explain at times.

This unity with Christ, has natural ramifications. Since we are united with Christ--made “one flesh” with him--he now is working toward our own holiness and perfection. So, not only has Christ forgiven our sins, and credited his perfect life to our account, he is ALSO working toward actually removing sin from our lives. He is perfecting us and making us holy. This passage says that he is doing that so that he can present the church to himself in splendor--like a beautiful bride presents herself to her groom as she walks down the aisle.

Our unity with Christ--the reality that we are now made “one flesh” and part of Christ’s body--also means that he is feeding us and caring for us. Paul says, “After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:29–30, NIV). So, we have this beautiful picture of Christ caring for and nourishing his Church--his bride. He makes sure our needs are provided for and cares for his people. This is an ongoing process. It is something that not only happens when we turn to Christ in faith, but it happens throughout our walk with Christ. He continues to provide for our needs and care for us from the beginning of our salvation until the end.

On that note, Paul looks at the masters of slaves and says, “know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him.” (Ephesians 6:9, NIV). Paul looks at those who own slaves and says, “You have a master who is in heaven. You have someone to whom you are accountable and he shows no favoritism between the rich and the poor. He gave himself for both, and has united both into his body, and loves both the rich and the poor. All are members of His body. You better treat them that way.” Do you catch the irony Paul is placing before the slave masters? He tells them that they have a master in heaven, they are slaves to Christ. They are slaves of the one who loved them and gave himself for them. They are slaves of the one who has drawn them into his body and feeds and cares for them. They are slaves of the one who is transforming them into His image. Act like it. In turn, they are called to give themselves in love, feeding and caring for those they have been given authority over.

Paul speaks to the slaves as well. He reminds them of the same thing. The slaves are slaves of Christ before they are slaves to man. They are slaves of the one who gave himself for them in love, united them to his body, perfects them and cares for their needs. So, Paul tells the slaves to live and serve as though they were serving their Savior. He says, “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favour when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.” (Ephesians 6:5–8, NIV). He also reminds them that as they serve in this way, they are storing up treasure in heaven. Their earthly masters may not reward them for their work, but their heavenly master will DEFINITELY reward them for their service. First and foremost, they must serve Him and they serve Him by giving themselves in love, taking the form of a servant.

This also works itself out in the relationship between parents and their children. Parents are told “...do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, NIV). Now, connect that to how this passage describes Christ as head of the church. He gave himself in love for the church and feeds and cares for the church. so that they would be holy and blameless. Now, it tells parents not to exasperate their children--not to “lord themselves over their children”--but to give themselves in love for their children, feed and care for them so that they would be holy and blameless. Or to put it another way, “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  Giving ourselves for our children does not mean giving them everything they want or allowing them to run the home. That’s not what Christ does for the church. Christ gives himself for the church so that they would be holy. Christ does not give himself to the church in a way that allows us to continue in our sin. Parents must not give themselves to their children in this way either. Sometimes “giving yourself in love” to a child means disciplining that child when you don’t want to but know you need to for their benefit. Sometimes “giving yourself in love” to a child means refraining from disciplining a child because you realize you are only disciplining to make yourself feel better and not for the benefit of the child. Giving ourselves in love to our children means looking out for their good at all times and in all ways--which means we must “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Paul tells children to obey their parents. He says this is the first commandment with a promise. It is promised that if you honor your father and mother, it will go well with you in the land and you will enjoy a long life on the earth. Yet, it is important to notice that Paul says that children are to obey their parents “...in the Lord...” That points to the reality that these Christian children are also slaves of Christ--just like their parents. They are called to obey Christ first and foremost. He is the one who gave himself for them in love and unite them to his body and cares for them and makes them holy. They are called to obey their parents because they are Christ’s--they are not their own. They are called to higher obedience than simply doing what their parents tell them. They are to see obedience to their parents as obedience to the Savior who loved them and gave himself for them.

Now we come to what Paul has to say to husbands. Let me say that these are not easy words. I understand that the word to the wives is the one that makes some people cringe, but I encourage us to think deeply about these words to husbands. These are tough words. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NIV). In the same way that Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, husbands are to love their wives.

I once found myself in a conversation with Christian man about his troubled marriage. We began talking about this verse. I asked him what he thought it meant. He said, “Easy. I just have to be willing to die for my wife. I’m willing to do that.” Yet, remember what I talked about earlier in this message. Christ not only gave himself for the church in death, but also gave himself for the church throughout his entire life. Christ emptied himself and took the form of a servant. He humbled himself and became obedient to death. And Christ is telling husbands to do the same thing. Don’t tell me that this is easy. This means “getting over yourself” and serving your wife. It means looking out for her needs over your own needs. It means being a servant in your home. It means taking responsibility. When it says talks about feeding and caring for our wives, it means more than just “putting food on the table.” It means caring for all aspects of your wife--wholistically caring for and feeding your wife, physically and spiritually so that she may become more like the Savior Jesus Christ. You have a responsibility to work toward these things. That’s what it means to be “head” of the wife. Sure there’s a level of authority in being the “head,” but there’s also tremendous responsibility. You are to be Christ in your home. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Now, once we understand that, this passage says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22, NIV). I just want every woman to honestly ask themselves a question, “If Jesus were your husband, would you find it difficult to submit to him?” I don’t think you would. Now, to ask this question in a different way, “If you were married to a man who was giving himself in love, humbling himself, taking the form of a servant, pouring himself out to care for you physically and spiritually, considering your needs as more important than his own, diligently caring for you so that you would be more like Christ, would you find it difficult to submit to him?” I don’t think you would. I think much of the reaction to this passage is the result of misunderstandings of what it means to be a “head” of the wife. The reaction flows from people thinking it means “boss” or from disconnecting the authority of the “head” from the reality of how Christ used his authority. Yet, we cannot allow the abuses to define what this passage is actually saying.

Even in this passage, Paul points wives past their husbands to Christ. He says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22, NIV). He is reminding wives that Christ has given himself in love for them, and has united them to his body, and feeds and cares for them and is shaping them into his image--making them holy and blameless. More important than their role as wife, is their role as a slave of Christ. He is their master. Which means they must serve Him first and foremost. Yet, he also calls them to take the form of a servant in their marriage. Wives, give yourself in love to your husband. In the same way that husbands need to consider their wives needs over their own, the wife is called to consider the husbands needs over her own. One of her husband’s needs, is that Christ has given him the responsibility of being a “head.” Give yourself in love to helping him fulfill that responsibility. Take the form of a servant and walk alongside him in caring for your needs and the needs of the family. Support him. Care for him. Rebuke him if needed. Yet, do not try to remove that responsibility from him--Christ is the one who gave him that responsibility and Christ is the one who has called you to walk alongside him in fulfilling that responsibility. Wives, submit to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord.

The call throughout the entirety of this passage is to look to Jesus Christ. Look to him as you relate to people in your life. If you are an employer, look to Christ as you relate to your employees. If you are a parent, look to Christ as you relate to your children. If you are a friend, look to Christ as you relate to your friends. If you are married, look to Christ as you relate to your spouse. In every relationship in life, and in every aspect of your life, look to Christ. Allow him to shape and transform your life, enabling you live a life of self-giving love.