BROKEN: Relationships (Pornography)

[Matthew 5:27-30; Colossians 3:5]

One of my first years as youth pastor, we had a pretty incredible moment at one of our Winter Retreats. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t scheduled. It was truly a movement of the Holy Spirit. 

We were spending the weekend talking about the burdens that we carry with us throughout our life. We talked about guilt and shame and achievement pressures and stuff like that. I was a very youthful youth pastor at the time and didn’t go into the weekend as prepared as I should have (I was writing my sermons as the weekend went on…sheesh). On the final evening of the trip, we were talking about addictions. At one point in the message I stopped talking. From the outside, it probably felt like a dramatic pause, but the reality was that I forgot what I was going to say and was trying to remember my next point. At some point during that dramatic pause, one of the girls in our youth group stood up and began confessing her sins to the whole group. Then another teenager got up. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then a leader confessed their sins. Then another. This kept going on for hours. There was weeping and confessing and repentance for almost three hours. It was pretty incredible. 

At the end of that time, after everyone went to bed, one young man from our group approached me wanting to talk to me further. So, we found a place away from everyone else to talk. He had noticed that many of the young men in our group had confessed addictions to pornography. Then he said something that stuck with me for quite a while. He said, “That surprised me because I didn’t even know pornography was bad.” That line stuck with me because it helped me realize that pornography had become so ingrained in our society that there are numerous young men out there that don’t even realize it’s a bad thing. They assume it’s a normal part of daily life. 

Not only do they assume it’s a normal part of daily life, but they also can’t fathom why it’s a bad thing. The logic typically goes: What so wrong with it if it’s not hurting anyone? There are two ways to answer that question. 

First, we can let Jesus answer the question. Jesus said this, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27–28, ESV). It’s important to understand what Jesus is doing in this passage because so many people have missed it over the years. 

I’ve heard some people say that Jesus is adding to the Ten Commandments in this passage. They think he’s adding another element—like the seventh commandment, point b (or something like that). I’ve heard others say that Jesus isn’t adding to the Ten Commandments, but increasing the intensity of the Ten Commandments—kinda like he’s dialing the temperature up on them. I’ve heard other people say that Jesus is showing that he has authority over the Ten Commandments—kinda like he’s saying, “You know what the Ten Commandments say. Now, I’m telling you something different.” 

In the end all of these are wrong. That’s not what Jesus is doing. He’s doing something much simpler than that. He’s correcting the faults of the current teaching of the day. They had missed the point of the Ten Commandments. They had made the Ten Commandments all about the external actions. They thought: as long as you do the right things on the outside, then you’re following the Ten Commandments. Jesus is reminding them that was never the intention of the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments are there to command our actions AND our desires. So, Jesus is correcting their misunderstandings. 

It’s the same misunderstanding that people have surrounding the issue of pornography. It’s fine if I’m just looking. It’s not like I’m actually doing something. It’s not like I’m actually committing adultery. It’s not like I’m planning on acting on these thoughts and desires inside me. Jesus reminds us that desire is the root of all action. Of course the action is sinful, but the adulterous desire is also sinful because it takes the good desire God has given us for sex and beauty and removes those desires from God’s created intention. Remember, that’s what sinful desire is. Good desires are to be used in the right place, at the right time, in the right way—according to God’s design. When those desires try to push beyond the limits of God’s design, they turn into lustful, adulterous desires. 

So, when someone says, “What’s so wrong with it, it’s not hurting anyone?” The first answer is, “It’s wrong because God told us it’s wrong. It doesn’t matter what you think. The God who created you is telling you not to live and act this way. So, that’s why it’s wrong.” 

But, there’s another way to answer the question. You can also answer the question by saying, “It IS actually hurting people. It’s hurting the person you’re viewing AND it’s hurting you as you view it.” Increasingly, we are seeing statistics about the damage done by the usage of pornography. I’m not going to go into those statistics today. Today, I want to show you from scripture why pornography usage is so damaging. In order to do that, I have to remind you of a couple things from the first part of this series. I have to remind you of God’s creational design. 

Remember what I said a couple weeks ago, God created us Body and Soul and God created us to be in relationship. These truths have to impact the way we interact with people in our normal, day to day, relationships but must also impact our sexual interactions.So, in order for us to properly interact with someone, we must interact with both their body and their soul. If we don’t, we are treating them in a way that is sub-human. 

We can apply that truth to our daily interactions with family members and co-workers, but we can also apply that truth to the topic of pornography. When someone is viewing pornography, not only is there no ability to interact with this person’s soul, but there is also no desire to interact with this person’s soul. The very nature of pornography is to focus solely on the body and nothing else. And that’s extremely dehumanizing. 

We’ve all heard the language about someone feeling like “a piece of meat.” That’s saying the same thing. They feel like “a piece of meat” because people are trying to engage them only on the physical level and completely ignoring the soul. That’s why they feel like a hunk of flesh without a soul. When treated this way, they are no longer being treated as a human being with value and dignity, but as an object to be used for other people’s pleasure. You’ve basically placed them on the same level as a piece of chocolate. You’re craving some chocolate, so you go find some chocolate to fulfill that craving. You’re having some sexual cravings, so you go find someone to fulfill those cravings. It’s dehumanizing and absolutely damaging—destroying, hurting—the person being viewed. 

It’s also dehumanizing and destroying the person viewing the pornography. There are multiple angles we can show this truth, but let’s connect it with last week’s message. Remember, one of the passages I showed last week from Colossians? It said, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5, ESV). Now, make sure you remember the connection I pointed out in this passage between covetousness and idolatry. This passage clearly says that covetousness IS idolatry. 

On a basic level, isn’t that what we’re talking about with pornography? Covetousness? Isn’t that the very nature of pornography, wanting something you don’t have? Then wanting it more and more and more and more. It’s idolatry. 

And don’t forget what the Bible says happens to idolaters, they become less human and more like the idol they worship. So, you continually desire someone’s body, but not their soul? Guess what’s going to happen? Your soul is going to shrivel up and die. You will become more and more like the idol you’re worshiping. Thomas Watson said this about adultery almost 400 years ago: “This sin impairs the mind; it steals away the understanding; it stupefies the heart…It eats out all heart for good” (156). It will destroy you. 

It not only withers the soul, it will eventually destroy your body. Remember what I said last week, when we worship idols we slowly become like them, slowly losing our ability to speak, hear, touch, smell, breathe. We slowly become less human. Then, I shared a quote about how overuse of the brain’s pleasure circuits actually prevents people from feeling pleasure. Well, guess what? That’s all happening when viewing pornography. You are slowly losing your ability to actually feel the pleasure God has designed for you through sex. You’re killing the pleasure sensors in your body. It’s no wonder that many people who are addicted to pornography describe themselves as impotent. It’s because they have destroyed their bodies and their sexual capacities through viewing pornography. They have become like the idols they have worshiped. They have dehumanized themselves and hurt themselves. 

This is why God tells us: No. Don’t do this. And, don’t lust after people you meet on the street or on the beach or at your workplace or wherever. When you do that, you are dishonoring God, you are hurting them, and you are hurting yourself. 

That’s why Jesus tells us that we need to take drastic action to fight this temptation. He says, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” (Matthew 5:29–30, ESV). I suppose it’s important to remind everyone that Jesus is using hyperbole here to make a point. He doesn’t want us to actually maim our bodies, but the point is clear. You need to take strong and drastic action to remove these temptations from your life because, if you fall into these sins, they will destroy you and those around you. John Stott has a great line that says, “We may have to be culturally maimed in order to preserve our purity of mind” (91).

You may have to take such drastic action that the world will look at you as foolish and extremist. I think I can rightly reword Jesus’ saying to say, “If your television is causing you to sin in this way, throw it out of your house and beat it with a bat. It’s better to lose your TV than your soul. If your computer or cell phone or social media cause you sin in this way, throw them out and stomp them under your feet. It’s better to lose those things than to slowly kill yourself.” These may have to be permanent actions or they may have to be temporary actions. Either way, in order to honor God, love your neighbor, and protect yourself, you need to take drastic measures now. Don’t delay. Don’t waste time. Don’t try to rationalize it. Do something about it. 

In the midst of this conversation, it’s also important to remember that this is not the unforgivable sin. The same principle applies in the opposite direction. You will become what you worship. So, if you confess your sins, turn from your idolatry, cling to Jesus Christ by faith, receive his forgiveness for all your sins, and worship him, you will begin to become more and more like him the more and more you worship him. You will slowly be set free from your addictions and struggles and slowly be restored. You will begin to become more fully human again. Your soul will slowly be revived and restored and your body will also slowly be restored and revived. You will begin to experience right desires and the pleasure God has designed you to feel. It won’t happen immediately—there are still consequences to our sins—but it will slowly and progressively happen as you continue to grab hold of Jesus Christ and worship him—becoming like him, more fully human. 

I also want to end by pointing to something really important from the Heidelberg Catechism. The catechism teaches us a powerful truth about the Ten Commandments. It shows us that the commandments were not just designed to say, “No,” but they were also designed to say, “Yes” to the right things. So, when the seventh commandment says, “No” to adultery, it is saying, “Yes” to God’s beautiful design for our desires and our sexuality. 

It is saying, “Yes” to sexual desire in the right way, in the right place, at the right time. It’s saying, “Yes” to sexual desire within the boundaries of a committed relationship between husband and wife. It’s saying “Yes” to sexual desire that engages our spouse Body and Soul. It’s saying “Yes” to sexual desire that is not selfish or self-seeking or about me, me, me; but is self-giving and generous. That’s the way God has designed our sexual desires and it is much more beautiful than anything the world has to offer.