BROKEN: Relationships (Cohabitation)

[Read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20] 

This past January, I was the speaker for the Classis Wisconsin youth group Winter Retreat. At the retreat I took some time to talk about not wasting your life. As I prepared for that talk, something struck me. Nobody wants to waste their life—I think many people worry deep inside themselves about wasting their life—but nobody spends much time thinking about whether they’re wasting their life. Most people spend their days just doing what they’ve always done. 

That points to the power of culture and habits and routines. If you think about it, many of the things you do on a daily basis, you do because that’s what your parents did, that’s what your friends did, and that’s what the people around you are doing. So, because you’re surrounded by people who are doing those things, you do them without really thinking about it—assuming that’s the way to do things. 

Here’s where this causes friction. We’re increasingly living in a world that has rejected Christianity. That means, many cultural habits and routines are antithetical to God’s design for humanity and the Christian life. So, as we go through life, watching our family, our friends, and our coworkers, many of their lives are not aligned with God’s intentions for humanity and the Christian life. Yet, because we live in this culture, and our habits and routines are shaped by our culture, we can easily begin to live in ways that are contrary to God’s design without even knowing it—without even thinking about it—just because that’s the water we’re swimming in. 

From there, we can easily begin to read our culturally accepted values back into God’s Word, trying to justify them. We do this because no true Christian actually wants to live in ways contrary to God’s Word. However, we’ve been so ingrained in our culture that it’s hard to separate whether we believe things because they came from God’s Word or from our culture. We can easily try to force our cultural values into God’s Word, trying to make God’s Word say that these things are acceptable. 

That’s not the way things are supposed to work. We’re supposed to begin with God’s Word and that mold and shape every aspect of our lives, our families, our workplaces, our culture according to God’s Word. It’s a One Way street running from God’s Word into our lives and our culture. We need to make sure we’re always starting with God’s Word AND questioning whether we’re trying to force our cultural values into God’s Word or honestly allowing God’s Word to speak to us clearly. 

That’s what’s going on in 1 Corinthians. They were a young group of Christians who had been heavily shaped by their culture—like every one of us—and they were struggling to distinguish what was coming from culture and what was coming from God. That’s why you’ll notice many of the translations have certain phrases in this passage in quotes. That’s because they were well-known cultural phrases of the day. Phrases like: ““All things are lawful for me,”…“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”…” (1 Corinthians 6:12–13, ESV). These were cultural phrases along the same vein as “God helps those who help themselves” or “My body, my choice”—phrases that everybody knew and phrases that were heavily shaping society. 

So, the Apostle Paul is taking those cultural phrases, and providing some correction. He’s telling the Corinthians, “I know you all know these things and assume that’s the way things work. I know that the people around you are living according to these cultural teachings. I’m going to show you a different way. I’m going to show you the way God has designed these things to function.” 

The first area he addresses is sexual immorality. He says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13, ESV). Notice how he goes back to one of the topics we’ve been covering throughout this series—the fact that God created us with bodies and designed us to use our bodies in a certain way. And he clearly says that our bodies were not designed to be used for sexual immorality. Our bodies were designed to serve the Lord. And if our bodies are being used for sexual immorality—which means we’re using them against God’s design—things will not work out well. 

So, here’s the big question: what constitutes sexual immorality and where do we find the boundaries? It’s interesting to realize that everyone—Christians and non-Christians—understand that there are certain requirements for sexual activity. The question is, where do you figure out those requirements? As of right now, our culture is telling us that the only requirement for sexual activity is consent. As long as there’s consent, then the requirement for sexual activity is fulfilled, and you can go ahead. 

Yet, if you start asking questions, things get fuzzy. How do they know that’s the requirement? How do they know that’s the line? On what basis are they determining these things? When you start asking these questions, you start getting poor answers because they don’t have any ground to stand on because they don’t believe sexual activity was designed. That’s why we have to be careful not to be shaped by our cultural practices and definitions. 

As Christians, we believe sexual activity is designed by our Creator God. And, since sexual activity has been designed by God, the boundaries and requirements for sexual activity are also part of that design. The boundaries and requirements are there to make sure sexual activity is used according to God’s design—to make sure we use sexual activity in ways that bless us rather than curse us. 

Let me briefly explain the way God has designed sexual activity using two of the areas I recapped a couple weeks ago. First, we believe that God created us body & soul, which means our sexual activity needs to be involve our bodies and our souls. God did not design sex to be “just a physical act”—actually, nobody really believes that. Our souls are deeply connected to our sexual activity. 

Second, we believe God created sexual activity to be a gift. Sexual activity is not about taking something, it’s about giving yourself. You are giving yourself to someone, body and soul, and that requires a committed, lifelong relationship. You cannot truly and fully give yourself to someone—body and soul—unless you know you are safe and you are certain they are not going to leave you, come hell or high water.

God’s design for sexual activity, requires much more than consent. It requires the engagement of our bodies and our souls. It requires fully giving ourselves to the other person—body and soul. And for us to be able to do these things rightly and properly, it requires us to be in a committed, lifelong relationship. 

Any sexual activity outside of those parameters, is considered sexual immorality. That’s why pornography is considered sexual immorality. That’s why lusting after people is considered sexual immorality. And, to get straight to the point, that’s why any sexual activity outside of marriage is considered sexual immorality. 

And, since we’re reminded that sexual immorality is against God’s design, we’re reminded that sexual activity outside of marriage will destroy us and wound us deeply—leaving scars that will take years and years and years to heal. It’s because our bodies were not created for sexual immorality. They were created to serve and honor the Lord. One of the ways we serve and honor the Lord is by waiting to engage in sexual activity until we can properly use it in its proper place—in a committed, lifelong marriage. 

Toward the end of this passage, we hear another truth that reminds us to ask better questions when it comes to sexuality. We read, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20, ESV). This statement is true of every Christian. You were bought with a price—that price was the life and death of Jesus Christ. That was payment for your life. Therefore, as the passage reminds us, we are not our own. It’s no longer about us and our desires. It’s about God and his desires for us. That’s why it ends by telling us, “Since you are not your own, and since it’s not about you and your desires, and since your body was not designed for sexual immorality, glorify God in your body.” 

Let me explain why this forces us to ask better questions. As a youth pastor, one of the most common questions I received around the topic of sexual activity was, “How far is too far?” I always responded by saying, “That’s a bad question. Ask a better question.” But, let's be clear, teenagers aren’t the only one’s asking that question. In reality, they’re the only ones bold enough to ask it clearly. I see adults on a regular basis asking, “How far is too far? How close can I get to the line of adultery and sexual immorality without crossing it?” My answer to every one of you is the same thing I told my teenagers, “Those are really bad questions. Ask better questions.”

Can you imagine asking those types of questions at work every day? How close can I get to getting fired today without getting fired? How little can I do today and still keep my job? How much can I disrespect my boss to his face without losing my job? If you tried to act like this at work, you would get fired—no questions asked. It’s because you were asking the wrong questions. 

This passage teaches us that we should not be asking, “How far is too far?” but “How can I glorify God in my body?” Do you see the difference? Rather than trying to see how close to the line we can get—how close we can get to destruction—we are asking how close can I get to glorifying God with my body? How can I interact with this person in a way that brings honor and glory to God because that’s what I’ve been purchased for—that’s the goal of my life. My goal is no longer to live like the rest of the world and dabble with destruction, trying to taste it a little bit. My goal is now to run away from those things and into the arms of my Savior, seeking to glorify him with my entire life and my body. That’s why, “How can I glorify God in my body?” is a much better question. 

This is why we’re told to “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, ESV). Notice what this passage says. There’s a particular destructiveness that comes from sexual immorality. It wounds the body in a way that is unique from every other sin. It’s uniquely destructive. That’s why we should not be trying to dabble in it a little bit, or trying to walk as close to it as possible, or trying to figure out “how far is too far”. Rather, we are to run away from it. Run. Don’t walk, run because it will destroy you. 

This is one of the reasons why cohabitation—living together before marriage—is such a bad idea, even if you don’t plan on having sex before marriage. Of course, like I already explained, sex before marriage is outside of God’s design, but I’m also saying that living together before marriage—even without having sex—is outside God’s design because you are not fleeing from sexual immorality. Rather, you’re dancing right next to the temptation and putting yourself in a position to fail repeatedly and destroy yourself. That’s why Proverbs says, “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?…He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” (Proverbs 6:27–32, ESV). 

I know that some will argue with me on this one. Because of the high divorce rates in our country, many people have decided to live together before marriage as a way to “test out compatibility” and use it like a “trial run” for marriage. So, many people see living together before marriage as a positive thing that will decrease divorce rates and help people get a better understanding of who they are about to commit themselves to. 

However, statistics say the opposite. Statistics show that those who lived together before marriage have a higher risk for divorce. Again, I’m not here to give you statistics—I’ll let you find them yourself. I’m here to explain why that’s the case. Why is living together for marriage not actually helping you prepare for marriage?

In a nutshell, it is impossible to prepare for marriage—to truly experience marriage outside of marriage. It’s impossible. Here’s why: Marriage is designed to be a lifelong, committed relationship and you cannot experience that unless you’ve made that lifelong, committed vow before God and other people. You can only experience real, true marriage after you’ve made that commitment. You can’t prepare for it, you just have to figure it out. 

Before you’ve made that commitment, people are free to leave at any point. They can walk away at the drop of hat if they want. And because both parties can walk away whenever they want, nobody has truly, fully given themselves to the other because they’re still worried they will get hurt. Nobody has truly, freely opened themselves up because they are still worried the other person may leave if they know the truth. That’s not marriage. That’s not preparation for marriage. It’s a total corruption of marriage that is actually destructive to the relationship and the people in that relationship. That is not how God designed things to be.

Now, I realize that this is one of those messages that could get people really riled up because we all have friends and family members who are either sleeping together outside of marriage or living together before marriage. I want to be clear, I’m not standing up here in order to pronounce judgment and condemnation upon them. I’m up here begging and pleading with people to stop destroying themselves and dishonoring God. That’s why I’m talking about this. I’ve watched it destroy person after person, relationship after relationship and I’m tired of watching it. And I don’t want it happening to anybody in our congregation. I don’t want you destroyed by sexual immorality—of any kind—I want you to turn from these sins, run away from them, grab hold of Jesus Christ by faith, receive forgiveness, be cleansed, and walk in fulness of life and wholehearted joy through Christ.

That can start today. It doesn’t matter what sins you’ve committed in the past or what sins you’re committing now, you can turn from them today and start fresh. That’s what we read in the verse just before today’s passage. After giving a long list of sinful actions and attitudes, we read, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11, ESV). Such were some of you. That’s a description of this entire congregation. Every one of us was once enslaved to some sinful action or attitude, but were washed, sanctified, justified and made new. 

Every one of us has an area of our life where we still need this to happen. So, if God is pricking your heart this morning—if he is convicting you of sin in your life—don’t just go home feeling guilty about it. Turn away from it, grab hold of Jesus, be washed, sanctified, justified and made new. Then you can look back on this day and say, “I once was trapped in this sin, but I am no longer. I’ve been made new.”